life in review

I sleep over 12 hours a day. Is there something wrong with me? Yes.

So I sleep in around 12-15 hours a day. Since there are only 24 hours in a day I’m actually only consciously currently living realistically only around 8-12 hours of the day. I moved to Scotland to get out of New York City. Everyone I call and talk to tell me how excited and fun they would think it would be. I didn’t even really think that way when I considered moving her on a spontaneous random whim. I really don’t understand myself. I Just don’t want to wakeup to my reality.

Sometimes I think I am dreadfully depressed. With this thought I really want medically marijuana just to get high and laugh really hard at sitcoms and comedy movies being fuzzy and high. However, I don’t live in California and I really don’t have any great weed hookups anywhere. I’m not even a pothead. I suppose I’d prefer natural high over medications that have a list of side effects just to make you less depressed.

I find myself to level headed to consider myself a depressed person. You see, that is the problem. When you are not either or you are in a constant dilemma with your mood. Sometimes I just want to shout, “Someone help me! Someone hug me! Fuck me! Be my friend and hangout with me!” blah blah blah. I’m sure you have been there. I dread being so lonely and unexcited about my environment that is suppose to be so exciting told to me by everyone that learns of the position I put myself in.

I’ve thought about suicide. I’m a complete ultimate fiasco of a failure by any American success story. I suppose since I was brought up Catholic and all I know of the more spiritual world and reincarnation is that is suicide really worth it? I really don’t want to goto purgatory and be stuck in my current thoughts. I also don’t want to be reincarnated as a mentally challenged, disabled, or bug. No thanks. I want to die being free and maybe just get to chill out for a few centuries with some hot babes that are angels. I thought if I did just end this silly life I’d do it by sky diving. I have a fear of heights, but it would be pretty almost to fly and drop down for a few minutes before I flattened myself like a pancake.

But I must get it together. I must finish my writing, a film or two, continue to trade the stock market, and continue to go mad going after the American dream I’ve been brainwashed so well with growing up watching Saturday morning cartoons. I don’t know it just might be Scotland weather…

Trader’s New Years Resolutions – Rebuild my trading account.

I think my ultimate goal this year will be most importantly to spend less and get into trouble less (ha ha). The end of 2009 and all of 2010 put a damper on my financial situation in a serious matter. Lets do a recap shall we?

End of 2009:
Invested in a media company $14,000 cash + credit
Got used, Got kicked out now $14,000 is worth around $4,000 cash
Purchased used VW Jetta for $8500 cash
1 month later VW Jetta timing belt blew at 70mph – cost $6500 cash
Landed in jail 2010 New Years night for throwing large party
I ended up losing around $4,000 on (renovating business, warehouse, labor)
Landlord kicks my business out —> move to NYC for new start

End of 2010:
Moved to NYC with no savings left to go to school
Over $10,000 in credit racked up in first 4 months
Over $20,000 in credit racked up over entire year
Lost $2,000 in stock market losses (basically my entire account)

Begin 2011:
Positives. Wasn’t thrown in jail for New Years.
Currently have around $25,000 in credit card debt
My OptionsXpress account holds $191 left to trade
No luck in finding a cheap place to buy in Jersey City
Still have not produced one web show
Very creatively unmotivated and depressed
I definitely need help “all around”

2011 Goals!

Well for starters to save more monthly to pay off my debt.
I actually took out a student loan to build up my trading account. Yes I know it sounds stupid but
I need capital to offset risk. I have to admit it’s rather hard trading $500 when it’s the entire account unlike
it’s 10% of $5,000. My goal even with debt is to create an account of at least $20,000. Then I could just trade 5% of my account at a single time. Sometimes I will be wrong and I understand that but if I’m trading my entire account then I’m pretty much have to start all over again. I want to make a profit this year. Not that I didn’t want to make a profit the previous year or all the years before it but definitely a profit even if small would be nice.
I want to trade January. Looks like stocks are going to crash and burn from their highs. I want to be there and earn off the falls. That is my first primary goal. Another goal is to keep my GPA up for my MBA, pass all my classes, and make good friendships with my classmates. They seem nice and forgiving for once. That’s about it for now.
I tried to convince my family to start a LLP Investment Trust but they still weren’t interested. I still think grouping together 5-10 people putting in $1-2k each would lower the risk if everyone student the same 2-3 stocks. I think the experience and knowledge would increase and so would the profitability, but no one listens to a loser. I need to get on the winning side of the trade to prove I can do it consistently.