another new year begins, 2008, in the ongoing dubious times of my life

So 2008 has started. I’m already giving up financial hopes, dreams, inspirations, and drive for my future slowly 1 minute at a time. I think this year needs to be a rest year. A year off, to contemplate and understand what I have accomplished, what I keep doing wrong, and how to fix it to propel myself back into 12 cylinder muscle car like I want to work.

2007 reflection:
In Jan 2007 made +$8000 in the market
In Feb 2007 made + $31000 in the market
by March 2007 I lost all $39,000 + in profits due to a really silly and immature trade I made too fast to try to make double that.
by August 2007 I added money losing it again another -$4000 at least
by September 2007 I was able to drive around $3000 back into +$28,000 by mid October 2007. Lost ALL in mid November 07′

Somehow I thought it would be smart to buy out of the money same month call options on 2 options many being Apple (AAPL).
I had this whole genius wealth plan thinking there would be a real bullish run in November so at the end of Oct 2007 I put all my money in just to have a real minor crash hit me hard just when I didn’t expect it. Everyone else knew the market was starting to fall, but I thought it was going to move higher. Well boy was I wrong. $10,000 of that money was from my student to earn more to pay it off. Now I sit on $42,000 worth of new debt rising fast at 12% interest. Dumb move many would say, brave and stupid is my opinion. Okay I could of walked away with around +$16000 in profits for the year off of around $5000, but did I? No. That would of shown I could hold at least almost 210% profit. If I walked away for the entire year in Feb I would of walked away with around a 2000% profit on 1 single trade for the year. I guess I’m keyboard entry trigger happy. I love to trade so much I don’t know when to stop loving and start stepping away and keeping it a business relationship.

Recently my optionsxpress account is at $0 left, and I put $2000 into my scottrade account and have been trading hoku on up moves and currently have been up 100% within a month on 2 trades. I really don’t know when enough is enough. I made this goal probably just 2 months ago that I wasn’t going to trade anymore until I got a real plan down and stuck to it. I have yet to stop trading. It is no wonder money pours out of my skin like I have a bad virus in a heavy sweat, heart pulsing fast, and mind out of control.

So its 2008 and I’m already considering 20 years in the military something I would never want to accept because I’m just to assertive and go-getter to just do the same job, with ordinary pay, and get no real satisfaction from it. All I can do being broke again and more in depth is to keep working on my university degrees to fall back on. I dislike feeling this way, this heavy burden of stress and uptightness that I can’t get rid of because I feel I always have to try to be better then everyone else. I don’t even care to be better I just want some power? Some respect or feeling of greatness? Don’t get me wrong I love trading. This type of work is something I really enjoy doing I’ve just yet to be able to manage my really bad habits breaking all the cardinal rules of trading to keep your profits instead I end up losing everything I make from the markets.

So I’ll probably still trade no doubt. It’s in my blood. I feed on stocks like a dog needs a bone to be happy.

goals of 2008:
Pay off new car – currently increasing my monthly payment to $1200 from $400 up 200% to pay it off within 7-8 months instead of 2010, which might still be close.
Work on student loans – Since I will defer my student loans even though they are at a higher interest rate I won’t have to worry about that payment until I am out. I will rely on telling myself every time I do a trade that some portion of the profits NEED to feed the loan and since I lost the money in the market I need to earn it back to pay off the loan quicker. I know I have skills. I just need to sharpen my thinking and zoom in on what I do well and trade those stocks until I’m blue in the face and debt free again. Oxymoron “debt free”. Well maybe you get it. I do.
My rental income that usually accumulates because I pay the mortgage separately will now sit at around $2500 in the account and I will have my mortgage directly paid from it freeing up around $650 a month to give me better housing in Honolulu to “rest”.
That $650 will now be deducted from the separate account while the rent comes in. With any extra money I’ll put it towards my car since it is presently affecting me. I’m applying all my student loan money I’m getting back from the trailer park sale to be applied against the remaining $18000. So with my bigger payments around 6-8k it should be paid off soon then I’ll work on the student loan, then my house with a remaining balance of around $58000. I could possibly pay off that $40k in less than 2 years if I pay off my car really quick with every dollar I have left at the month. I could really do it and I’ll try.

Any future big money I make in the market I want to apply to my home to pay off the mortgage or buy tax liens. If I was able to get homes by paying their taxes I could really score big in equity, but that’s farther into the future.

I’m not entirely stupid, I just don’t know when to stop (mostly trading and business purchases gone bad). I still might have some freedom as a young 29 year old if I can pay all this off even if I have no money left or saved. If everything is paid off I can really work on my trading.

This brings me to a story of when I started surfing. When I started I constantly wouldn’t give up because I loved it so much. Even though I wiped out and couldn’t stand up for almost 2 weeks, when the time was “right” I stood up and surfed my first real wave and from there on I kept catching waves and got better with practicing and “time” + patience. Trading as a profession should be any different.